This one is for my daughter…
The thing about bullies is that their primary aim is to be more powerful than you. To make you feel small, put down, less than them. Essentially this is because they feel small and have to push people down to build themselves up.
I know this from personal experience of being bullied and observation of others in many different arenas of life. School, work, home.
Bullying comes in many different forms – it can be direct, physical or verbal and, as a result, obvious to an observer or the target of the bullying. More difficult is the insidious bully – the manipulator, the seemingly nice but cutting comment, sometimes described as honest opinion to further disguise its intent – which is to bully, to control, to belittle.
Where direct bullying can be addressed directly, either by the target of the bullying or an intervening friend, adult or parent; the indirect is more challenging to recognise and resolve…
How do you recognise bullying if it’s concealed under something less obvious?
If something or someone makes you feel bad or nervous, even if you can’t identify why, it is most likely a form of manipulation or bullying.
First, see if you can identify it and therefore address the cause. If not, please try the following:
Bullying makes you deliberately become smaller inside, emotionally I mean. To belittle is defined as “to dismiss (someone or something) as unimportant.” You are important. What you feel is important. Who you are and what you believe is important.
So how about making yourself deliberately bigger inside instead of feeling smaller, as intended by the bully. How can you do this? What would happen? How will the bully react? Usually this is called ‘ being assertive’ or ‘self-esteem’ but to a child or even to many adults, these words do not describe what it means in the real terms of how it feels to be these things.
‘Being bigger inside‘ makes sense to me. It means taking all your power, strength, love and kindness into the base of your tummy and growing literally ‘bigger’ emotionally.
The effect for the bully is seeing strength where there was weakness. Love where there was fear. Compassion where there was hostility.
As a result that bully may get annoyed. May turn away. May even get upset. It’s a form of self-protection delivered without words, without hatred, without anger.
It can be very, very effective.
Bullies…. Bullies at school Bullies in the streets.
by Class A5 of 6th Junior High School of Heraklion: http://slideplayer.com/slide/3162796/
Ignore what the bully says.
Believe in your self either way.
Don’t let them feel big.
You are BIG
You know what to do:
Speak to your parents.
Speak to your teachers.
Talk to a friend.
And the winner is always YOU.
Lots of love,
P.S. If your child needs help with being bullied, I’ve found http://www.kidscape.org.uk is very helpful and offers training as well as advice.